Paraphrase (to acknowledge their story) This will be “So if I understand you correctly…” Use this to understand how they feel.Mirror (to confirm feelings) This is saying things like “You look unsure…” Explain to them what you sense from the situation, in a calm and understanding tone. A sk (to get the ball rolling) Start by saying things like “I would love to hear your opinion about…”.Ther are four steps you can take to really listen to someone, summarized in the acronym AMPP: Ask, mirror, paraphrase, and prime. This will make them feel that their opinions are valued, and they are respected. The key to helping people feel safe is to listen to what they have to say. Once people start feeling mistreated, they will shut themselves off. This response can happen in a tense conversation. Have you ever noticed that even the most seemingly harmless of conversations sometimes get heated? The authors explain that this usually stems from the fact that someone feels unsafe.īiologically, our bodies respond to a threat by either a drive for fight or flight. Lesson 2: Listen to the other person’s opinions to help them feel safe in the conversation. If you need to tell someone something that might upset them, ask yourself things like “What do I want to avoid?” or “what do I really want here?” The more you can keep both parties calm, the better the conversation will turn out. Just stopping to think about the goal, which should be to not walk away without a solution, can be a great way to keep yourself from getting angry. The thing is, once we realize what we do want, we’ll realize what we don’t want. To prevent yourself from getting angry, ask yourself, “What is my purpose in this conversation” and “What information do I want to get across clearly to this person?” This is when we need to remember our goals. We may be tempted to turn to silence or violence, but if we really need a solution, neither of these help. Things get heated, and someone says something offensive. We’ve all been in a position where we need to settle something important with someone. How do we avoid this? We remember our goal. In a crucial conversation, we need a solution or we will be stuck. Neither of these options provides a solution. When emotions run high in a conversation and we no longer feel safe, there are two ways it can go: silence or violence. If you want to save this summary for later, download the free PDF and read it whenever you want.ĭownload PDF Lesson 1: Stick to your goals during the discussion so you don’t get overly emotional.
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